A full day of tears

So you know how after you have a baby you're kind of a hot mess? And then stuff happens and your more sensitive and hurt by things than you would be normally? Well that's been me all week.
My phone deleted all of my pictures, a whole YEAR worth of pictures. A year of my kids life has been erased it feels. The videos of Emma's dance recital, Addies cute little selfies, pictures of all our adventures and our first year in our new house are all gone. Almost 9000 pictures. Its my fault for not backing them up or saving them when I knew I needed to.
 I spent the whole day it happened crying in my bed... luckily Diane had already taken the girls for the day and I could mourn in peace with my sleeping baby. Well then that same day something even worse happened.
I had pulled myself together enough to graciously accept dinner from some people in the ward who wanted to visit and hold the baby. They were here chatting when Emma and Addie came home crying . Ryan was on the brink of tears too. Emma said she wanted to talk in the other room and I said we could talk once our guests left, but then she broke down crying even more and told me Sally died. Sally is our little adopted dog. We took her from my in laws to live with us because she was so good with the girls and such a good little friend to have around.  We had sent her back to grandpa and grandmas house for awhile until we got our yard fixed and had the baby and things settled down. Well, now we won't be taking her back home.
Emma cried and cried and our guests just stood their at a loss of what to do, and then Emma asked if I could print a picture of Sally for her room and that's when I lost it. Because I don't have any pictures of her anymore. So we all sat there crying.
Our poor guests were probably so uncomfortable. They helped how they could and eventually left.
Ryan snapped out of the sadness pretty quickly  and was like "ok we need to pull ourselves together, we just had a cry fest in front of adults we hardly know!" At that point I was past the point of even caring what anyone thought and just wanted to go cry some more.
It was a hard day. Which has kind of made it a sad week. But my next post will be a happy one, because guess what? I had a healthy beautiful baby! And I'm counting my many blessings. Even if I don't have any pictures to prove it.

Emma starts school!!

EmmaLee started preschool! How is it that my baby is old enough to be going to school?? 

She goes 4 times a week for 3 hours and she is loving it! We got lucky last minute with a great preschool option--better than one we had initially planned. Such a blessing. She always comes home with the biggest smile on her face and is always so proud of her crafts. 

Addie was sure she was going to school too. She has her own back pack and everything. 

The first day was a little hard on these sweet sisters. But not as hard as it was on me. Just the thought of things never being the same from here on out kind of punched me in the gut. I've loved having my babies home with me all day! But change and growth are good. Life is not supposed to stay the same, or else everything else becomes stagnant. And how do we grow and become better in that kind of environment? We don't. So I cried the tears I needed to cry and then buoyed myself up and we've all been happy about the change ever since.

So while Emma is at school I soak up all of this baby that I can! She's never been the only child and quite frankly she doesn't like being the only one home. I, on the other hand, don't mind it one bit. I get extra snuggles and naps in with her and it's been bliss. She needs this time with just me; life is about to change big time again. And she has no idea.

But it will work out. 

Change is good.