The highlight of this week

When the sun is shining, you go outside and play!
That's the rule at our house.
AddiLyn is getting to the point where she can do some things with Emma at the park. Like slide on the baby slides, swing, crawl around on some of the smaller toys.
It's so much fun to see these two girls grow and learn to love each other and play together.

That's the highlight of my week.

This week has been hard. 

 Sometimes I read my old blog posts and I'm like dang I've got such a happy life! And I do. I'm happier than I've ever been, like ever.

But life still has it's ups and downs. I focus on the good things on my blog, because I don't want people reading complaints and thinking I'm not happy with my life.

But at this moment I want to complain, so either bear with me or go read your scriptures and become uplifted...

My life is good but then there are days that I'm like...

I have no idea what I'm doing, like 95% of the time. I have no idea how to be a mom, especially to my 2 year old going on 13 year old. 

I've become so detrimentally and socially impaired in my 3 years of being a mom. I used to pride myself in my uncanny ability to start and keep a fun conversation going. But these days I can't even form proper words let alone a proper sentence. It's like child birth broke my translator, the words in my brain get scrambled and broken before they come out of my mouth.

I'm stuck in a rut in so many aspects. 

Who am I really? 

Where am I going?

What should I do with my career?

Am I a good mom?

Am I messing up my kids?

What am I doing wrong?

What's wrong with me. 

I ask myself these questions all the time, with no answers in sight. 

No answers.

I need a life coach.

Any volunteers?

No?

That's what I figured.

So I just keep plunking along, trying my best to be a good wife and mom and I focus on the beautiful moments that go along with it. All while trying to ignore the embarrassing blurbs I create that fill in the rest of my existence.

Maybe someday I'll work on the endless questions and worries when I'm old and wise. 

Maybe at that time I'll know what to do. 

But for now, I'll just play with my kids and take pictures while they're happy so maybe someday I'll be able to look back and know I wasn't a complete failure in this beautiful mess I'm living.

Idaho trip part 1 - the drive

Once upon a time there was this girl who lived in Texas and wanted to go to Idaho for Christmas. Because she loves Idaho and many people in it. Well she convinced her sweet and loving husband that it was a good idea. 

If you haven't guessed yet, this story is about me. 

So back to the story, I convinced Ryan that going to Idaho was a good idea. I've looked forward to this trip for months, since June! So the week that we are going to leave finally rolls around and I'm ecstatic. Like jumping off the walls, par core status. 

Well, the day before we leave I'm working on packing and I look down at my beautiful little toddler and see red rings around her eyes and her olive skin is white and pale. 

"Mommy. I sick." 

Of course. So I take her temperature and it reads 103.9 degrees. 

After a few doses of Tylenol and increased fever I take my girl to the doctor and lo and behold she has not only the flu but also strep. 

So we started her on her antibiotics and medication and pushed the trip back by a couple days. It's only a couple days, right? No big deal. 

A couple days later, Emma's fever has broken and she's in good spirits. I take AddiLyn's temperature, it reads at 103. 

Of course.

So I take her to the doctor, she tests negative on flu/strep. Yes!! But the doctor said she probably has the flu and it's just reading negative because we tested her so early.

So we push the trip back yet another day and a half. 

AddiLyns fever goes away so we figure we're in the clear and we head out! 

Woo hoo! Finally!! 

At last, we begin the 24 hour excursion. 

The first 4 hours goes great. The girls are happy, Emma's excited about the fun activities I have for her and the change in schedule and everything is going great. 

6 hours into the drive I fed them and they both fall fast asleep. Even better! 

They both slept a good 2.5 hours. Once they woke up though I knew something was off. I reached back and touched AddiLyn and she was burning up. She was acting jumpy/ panicky but also lethargic and slow to respond. Her fever was scary high. So we pull over and Ryan takes Emma out to play and get her energy out and I pull Addi out of her car seat and brought her to the front seat with me. I grabbed an icy water bottle and held it to her armpits. Of course she hated it, but her fever was so high (105 and climbing) I knew I needed to cool off her core temperature fast, and that's one of the fastest ways to do it! I also gave her a dose of motrin, and made a concoction of essential oils (peppermint, eucalyptus, and lavender) and rubbed her chest, forehead and feet with it. 

Poor baby. 

Meanwhile Emma and Ryan are running laps around the parking lot, Emma laughing her head off.

Within 20 minutes AddiLyns temperature was down to 98 and her smile was back so I fed her again, put her back in her car seat and we were off once again.

We ended up stopping every 3 hours so I could check up on little Addi and Emma could run around for 20 minutes to get her energy out. I was able to keep Emma busy almost the whole day with new crafts, coloring books, stickers, books and crafty scissors. AddiLyn slept almost the whole day, she was wiped out. I had her on ATC motrin so her little body didn't get too hot.

We stopped at Albequrque for the night which was wonderful. We all slept great.

The next day was harder. The girls were both so over being in their car seats. We left early and within 15 minutes both girls were crying. Then we almost ran out of gas. We couldn't find a gas station, but we did find this pretty temple. 

So that was interesting. 

I eventually got Emma involved in some activities and was able to keep little Addi happy. Ryan and I switched off a lot. It got to a point where I wanted to drive the rest of the way because I was tired from entertaining babies. Keeping kids happy while traveling is no joke!

This is her "I'm losing it" face. And then.....

All in all we survived the trip there. It really wasn't too bad with stops every 3 hours so Emma could play and I could snuggle and feed AddiLyn.

The crying wasn't consistent until about 2 hours before we got to Rexburg... I wanted to cry that last 2 hour stretch myself. I actually did cry a little bit. 

But hey, we're alive! And in Rexburg and happy to be with my family at last! :)

Family Pictures

We got proffesional family photos done for the first time. It was a rough day but I learned a lot and now know how to better prepare for next time. Luckily I still LOVE how these turned out. I love my sweet little family!!

Ranch week

 Well this week we stayed at the Johnson ranch so we could take the boys to school and things while grandpa and grandma were were on vacation with Russell.

I'll admit I was a little worried about how Emma would do sleeping somewhere other than her bed. 

But she did great!! She went to sleep in "Emma's new bed" like a champ! And AddiLyn slept through the night for the first time in a long time last night. They sleep better here then they do at home haha.

It's so nice being here. There is so much open space and I can let EmmaLee run without worrying about cars. She's loved it so much, we don't want to go back home! ;)

Our first night little AddiLyn didn't want to go to bed so we sat on our bed taking pictures until she got fussy. Needless to say, we ended up taking tons of pictures.

Here are a few other pictures of this week...

Walking down the driveway

Playing in the arena. I love it when kids get dirty. Dirt was made to be played in :)

I found Ryan's little handprint from when he was a kid.

And then there are the donkeys. Emma loves them. She'll find little pieces of hay and feed it to them, and tell them to share. Then if they start making noises she says "shh it's ok donkeys, it's okay I love you." 

She also loves the goats, horses and cows. But the donkeys have won her heart.

Taking a nap snuggled up to me. I love it when she does that.

AddiLyn loves the walker they have here. She's got the strongest little legs. If the rest of her body was as strong as her legs she'd be walking right now. She can scoot herself around in the walker at 5 and half months. Thats crazy to me.

It's been so much fun and such a nice break from everyday life. 

We love this ranch!