That's the rule at our house.
AddiLyn is getting to the point where she can do some things with Emma at the park. Like slide on the baby slides, swing, crawl around on some of the smaller toys.
It's so much fun to see these two girls grow and learn to love each other and play together.
That's the highlight of my week.
This week has been hard.
Sometimes I read my old blog posts and I'm like dang I've got such a happy life! And I do. I'm happier than I've ever been, like ever.
But life still has it's ups and downs. I focus on the good things on my blog, because I don't want people reading complaints and thinking I'm not happy with my life.
But at this moment I want to complain, so either bear with me or go read your scriptures and become uplifted...
My life is good but then there are days that I'm like...
I have no idea what I'm doing, like 95% of the time. I have no idea how to be a mom, especially to my 2 year old going on 13 year old.
I've become so detrimentally and socially impaired in my 3 years of being a mom. I used to pride myself in my uncanny ability to start and keep a fun conversation going. But these days I can't even form proper words let alone a proper sentence. It's like child birth broke my translator, the words in my brain get scrambled and broken before they come out of my mouth.
I'm stuck in a rut in so many aspects.
Who am I really?
Where am I going?
What should I do with my career?
Am I a good mom?
Am I messing up my kids?
What am I doing wrong?
What's wrong with me.
I ask myself these questions all the time, with no answers in sight.
No answers.
I need a life coach.
Any volunteers?
No?
That's what I figured.
So I just keep plunking along, trying my best to be a good wife and mom and I focus on the beautiful moments that go along with it. All while trying to ignore the embarrassing blurbs I create that fill in the rest of my existence.
Maybe someday I'll work on the endless questions and worries when I'm old and wise.
Maybe at that time I'll know what to do.
But for now, I'll just play with my kids and take pictures while they're happy so maybe someday I'll be able to look back and know I wasn't a complete failure in this beautiful mess I'm living.
First of all, I love that you keep up with your blog. I totally envy that!
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, you are a freaking awesome mom and I hope you never truly question that! Being a mom of two is HARD. Way harder than a mom of three, in my opinion.
And lastly, I'm sorry you're feeling this way and that you've had a hard week! Know that I'm almost always at home doing nothing of importance.. So if you need an ear or someone to hang out with, I'm here! I remember feeling the same way as you are for a long time.. And I still do at times! It's hard work to learn how to be around people again while having baby brain. Just take comfort that it's not only you :)
I hope this week is much, much better for you!